Review: Lost in the Mist

Draft Priority: 5

Impact: 5

Stack Status: *6*
Stacker Pentecost.

Discussion:

The done did it here. Referred to as “Trapped in the Closet” for a long time in my group (then transitioned into “Urban Opera” before finally reclaiming the proper title of “Lost in the Mist”), this card is a real Type 4 powerhouse that meets all the criteria for being an awesome Type 4 card. It’s common, cheap, terrible in other formats, and has a tremendous impact on the board. Even if there’s not a particularly opportune spell to counter, somebody is casting something all the time and if you need an emergency bounce spell you can usually find a way to make it happen. It also let us reference R. Kelly, probably the most important thing of all.

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Hmm Real Talk

This is obviously dissolving into an R. Kelly reference-fest, which isn’t bad, but not why you read this stuff (like anybody does).

Anyway, Lost in the Mist is a real powerhouse counterspell, maybe one of the best in the format. A surprise hit!

Overall: Five “Did she say there were other guys there?” out of five, Stacker Pentecost Glare of Approval

 

Review: Crookclaw Transmuter

Draft Priority: 1

Impact: 1

Stack Status: 2
It’s just not good.

Discussion:

We live in a time submerged in mysteries. One of those would be “why the fuck is this card in my Type 4 stack?”

Well, there’s actually a simple answer; it has Flash, which immediately provides it with some kind of value in a format with limitless mana. And in the interest of fairness, the effect can occasionally make a minor difference. But at the end of the day, this card doesn’t do much. It sucks.

Overall: One and a half overly-honest reviews out of five

Review: Stormtide Leviathan

Draft Priority: *6*

Impact: *6*

Stack Status: *6*
Stacker Pentecost.

Discussion:

I know I’ve mentioned this creature in passing a few times when referencing generally-awesome Type 4 creatures. There’s a reason it’s one of my go-to mental bookmarks in Type 4–it’s just one of the best creatures for the format, period. And it does it all without having some crazy activated ability that exploits infinite mana or a stupid ETB ability. No, instead, just just puts everyone on an island.

The way a Stormtide changes the game is pretty much immeasurable. The game starts to revolve around the mammoth creature, but not in the shitty way. It’s enjoyable. The guy with his stupid horde of tokens is suddenly rethinking his whole game, desperately looking for a way to kill the Leviathan. The guys who have been getting beat down are looking for ways to protect it and keep it around. It might just look like a stupid brute-force beater on the surface, but in multiplayer it’s much more interesting and fun than that.

It’s simple, powerful, and costs more than six mana. What else could you ask for?

…well, maybe a retroprint from The Dark with Quinton Hoover art…

Overall: Five Tidal Krakens in the unemployment line out of five

Review: Armored Guardian

Draft Priority: *6*

Impact: 5

Stack Status: *6*
Stacker Penetecost.

Discussion:

I remember cracking open the very pack that holds the Armored Guardian inside my stack to this day. It was during an Invasion limited event of some kind. I remember looking at it somewhat confused and wondering exactly what the hell it was supposed to be–both from a fluff and gameplay perspective. It’s a”Guardian”, sure… what is it a cat, an ape, or what? And what’s with the supremely stupid hat with the little banner coming off of it?

In game I was equally confused initially as well, because I was wondering who the hell has enough mana to use those abilities after casting a 2/5 for five? It turned out it was actually an ok ability for stalemates but not a whole lot else. Armored Guardian was just kind of a confused mess.

But infinite mana has a way of sorting out things that are even grossly unclear. For Armored Guardian, the guiding hand of copious resources makes his job pretty obvious; he’s support staff for your whole team, handing out invincible auras and remaining largely untouchable by himself. In a way, Armored Guardian might be considered too powerful for Stack because he’s pretty tough to kill once he’s on the table, and extends these immunities to the other creatures you control. It’s truly devastating. But I haven’t seen him single-handedly escape with a game yet, and on his own, with only 2 power he can’t really hose a table down all that quickly.

Overcosted pile of crap in other formats. Perfect Type 4 card.

Overall: Five rugby-cap banners out of five, Stacker Pentecost Glare of Approval

Review: Gigadrowse

Draft Priority: 2

Impact:2

Stack Status: 3
Bretty gud :DDDD

Discussion:

A long time ago, I think it was Dennis Leary did a skit on NyQuil, where he referenced that he preferred ‘extra drowsy’ formulas that would basically let him get high enough to sleep without breaking the law. I was going to factor in that little reference to my review, but when I searched for ‘extra drowsy’ (doing it with ‘NyQuil’ just got me stupid product images) I got this horrifying grab bag.

Seriously, what the fuck is this? Those monkey things? A bunch of horses?

I hope you get the same results as me or I’m joint going to seem looney. Regardless, Gigadrowse, extra-drowsy, I’m sure you can trace this roadmap to hilarity without my guidance.

It’s an ok card, nothing more or less. Love them Twiddles.

Overall: Two and a half mind-benging Google journeys out of five

Review: Assert Authority

Draft Priority: 4

Impact: 3

Stack Status: 4
Bretty bangin

Discussion:

Overpriced counterspells are absolutely a Type 4 staple, in pretty much all forms. Conditional or not, and counterspell-plus especially.

There’s not a lot to say about this one, because it’s not that interesting unto itself. But it’s plenty good.

Overall: Four magic Jazz Hands out of five

Review: Clutch of the Undercity

Draft Priority: 3

Impact: 3

Stack Status: 5
Stacker Pentecost.

Discussion:

It seems like I’m getting to review a lot of really good bounce spells lately. In that category of cards, this is a top-tier elite. Universal target opportunities, some life loss on the side, and a very powerful Transmute value for finding utility instants like Return to Dust, various counterspells, Turnabout and so on–there’s just a lot of good cards at the four mana slot. But often you’ll want to keep this around for what it is–and extremely useful and versatile bounce spell.

Don’t think too much, just take it. The only reason the draft priority is 3 is because people tend to undervalue this spell so often you can take it a bit late, but don’t be that guy who hopes it tables one more time while you take some other mediocre pick, confident you’re outsmarting everyone else.

You’re probably not. At least, I know I’m not.

Overall: Four sewer muggings out of five

Review: The Mimeoplasm

Draft Priority: *6*

Impact: 5

Stack Status: 5
Stacker Pentecost (again!). Nothing special about it for Type 4, but it’s so good.

Discussion:

I’m torn. Help me.

I hate this card so much, but at the same time I love it dearly. Here’s the deal; at the time, when it was spoiled, I was pretty giddy. Reasons included the name, Ooze creature type, and the fact that it looks pretty goddamn dangerous on paper. I was also looking forward to the possibilities of creating superbeast versions of regular creatures, piecing them together form whatever the graveyards provided in a sort of MacGuyver-meets-The Undertaker sort of way. That sounds tremendous to me.

Unfortunately, as I should have suspected for a card in this colour combination, it immediately turned into a card that represented the most degenerate and least interesting archetype of EDH deck (the graveyard recycling deck with some easy, built-in combos) where there was little improv, but a lot of easy setup into effortless wins. Why I didn’t see this coming is beyond me. I guess I’m just kind of stupid. I would have loved to see it only work on cards in other player’s graveyards.

But I do like it in Type 4 because there, you are pretty much forced intot he improvisational role by not only having no knowledge of your card pool before the game, but by how fast the game changes. And with the type of creatures Type 4 has access to, you are liable to see 10/10 Kaho, Minamo Historians and such, which is beautiful in a strange way.

Ultimately, to deny The Mimeoplasm top ranks and a Glare of Approval would be an academic mistrial. It is truly excellent for Type 4. But I still give it a sort of narrowed-eye glare every time I see it, because it really did help shit up an entire format for a while.

Overall: Five giant utility creatures out of five, Stacker Pentecost Glare of Approval

Review: Mirrorweave

Draft Priority: 4

Impact: 5

Stack Status:
Stacker Pentecost. Man, I’m getting a lot of must-haves for review lately.

Discussion:

I’m sure you can imagine some of the things this card can do. Mirrorweave is, in general, a pretty high-impact card regardless of environment because the effect is big and undercosted in my view. Whether you’re turning a bunch of 2/2s and 3/3s into 1/1s for defensive trades in Cube or turning a swarm of junk utility ETB disposable bodies into 8/8 tramplers in EDH, when Mirrorweave gets played, it’s going down. Obviously, the craziness is directly proportional to the creatures available in play. So in Type 4, where you’re essentially playing with a compilation of the most elite and inefficient screaming T-Rex predators, Silverback alphas and other assorted metaphors for big-ass ass-stomping assheads, then Mirrorweave is liable to make boards blow up.

I will provide a ward of caution; when creatures that you can target are in the vein of Bloodfire Colossus, employing some caution in where and when you use Mirrorweave is pretty important. It can absolutely backfire, especially if somebody copies it in an inopportune way or has Flash creatures or something. When the numbers get big enough, small changes in the math make a huge difference. Don’t get killed by your own Mirrorweave play.

On the other hand, if you’re about to lose, feel free to play a quick, chaos-inducing Mirrorweave to mess with everyone before you ‘gracefully’ step out. It’s the classy thing to do.

Overall: Four and a half ass asses out of five

Review: Into the Roil

Draft Priority: 3

Impact: 3

Stack Status: 5
Stacker Pentecost.

Discussion:

This is undoubtedly one of the best bounce spells in Type 4, or maybe one of the best bounce spells in general. I really like Repulse and this is essentially a pure upgrade of that spell, since it just has wider target selection (save your own stuff, which does kinda hurt). With semi-meaningful effect with a cantrip attached to it being essentially playable-to-superb in Type 4, this obviously becomes one of the best utility spells out there. I would give it higher scores but the inability to use it to protect your own permanents is unfortunate and in general, you just can’t say a Roil Tide impacts a game like a Morphling or whatever. It’s not a condemnation of the card but just an objective look at things.

Also, Kicker is a badass mechanic that I’m always pleased to see come back and it was actually pretty well-implemented in the new nWo world of design. While old-school Kicker costs tended to be outrageous and not worth the price, the new ones are more fairly costed and makes the cards plenty fun to play with.

Overall: Four excellent seafaring turbans out of five